ALLERGIES

As if I didn't have enough to worry about with the hurricane coming and work being so busy I have now developed an allergic reaction to something. It started on Tuesday with a few dots on my stomach, then Wednesday there were a few more and by the time I woke up Friday morning my entire torso, head, and right arm were liberally dusted with hives! Not that you want to see my stomach, but this is what they look like:
These photos were taken AFTER 8 hours of medication coursing through my body! Because we were so busy at work I decided I would stick it out and just be itchy until the benadryl kicked in, but it never did, so I finally decided to go to the emergency room (my doctor's office being closed) to get checked out. Emergency rooms being what they are they really had no diagonsis except an "A-topic dermatitis" or "bug bites". So, I came home with itch relief medication, strong anti-histamines, steroid pills, and more benadryl. Oh, and Lice soap just incase it was invisible bugs crawling over my body for the last 4 days (RIIIIGHT).
Even though I might be looking at an end to the itch I Felt horrible because the doctor told me I shouldn't work while being on all these medications cuz they will make me tired and loopy! I was determined to go to work anyway because we are too busy for me not to be there, but when I woke up this morning and took my medications it was all I could do to stare at the TV...and I STILL itch! Look at the weird patterns that the hives made:
But now that I've had medicine in my body for a while they hives are starting to fade...they STILL itch, but I'm making it through.:) The mystery question NOW is WHAT am I allergic to?
PS: the medicine is working without the bug cream, so no invisible bugs, thank GOD!

Hurricane Craziness

So, it looks like I'm going to experience my first Hurricane. It all started on Monday when everyone saw that Gustav was heading our way (this was a projection of 9 days out, by the way). We had a few people coming in to look at Generators. We had a few people coming in to buy gas cans. Then one of my managers said, "Let's stackout some gas cans and generators." So, we did. Mind you, we have had over 400 5 gallon gas cans in top stock ALL YEAR LONG because we never sell them. By mid day on Tuesday we had sold out of the first set of gas cans that we put out (about 100) and sold about 10 generators (atleast $700 each). So, we brought down some more gas cans and put the rest of the generators in top stock onto the sales floor. Then, all of sudden, around 10am the store blew up and the people started pouring in. I'm surprised that there weren't fights over the last few generators. I mean, I couldn't get gas cans out of top stock fast enough. People were grabbing the cases before I could unwrap them! And, by 2pm every generator (even the displays) and every 5 gallon gas can was GONE. By the end of the night we were sold out of 2 gallon gas cans and my job turned into Seasonal Phone Operator where my answers were reduced to "NO, we don't have any generators", "no we don't have any gas cans, and "we HOPE we will get them in tomorrow, but WE'RE NOT SURE." I did not put the phone down for more than a minute until I left at 7pm that night. And THAT was 3 days ago...
We finally got 87 generators in on Thursday afternoon, but they were sold out before I got to work at noon today (friday). We also got 500 more gas cans and those sold out around 4pm today.
This whole thing amazes me...not because I think people are overreacting-because I would too if I had lost my entire life like some of these people did in Katrina-but because I've never been through this type of Natural Disaster sort of stuff. I don't even know where to start. I keep thinking we will be fine because the storm is projecting further and further west, but how bad will it be if we still get the wind and the rain from the outer rings? Will we still want to stay at our house, which is only 1 mile from the beach? Or do we want to go inland where our cars might not get flooded, but a tree might blow down on them? I guess it's a 50/50 chance. But I still take a moment every hour or so to think, "Is this really real? Am I really going to go through a hurricane?"
I just can't express how I'm feeling right now. I'm not scared, but I'm not calm. Not really stressed, but maybe a little anxious...
check out the path:
http://www.weather.com/maps/news/atlstorm7/floater9_large.html?from=hp_main_maps

Sushi and Sake

SUSHI AND SAKE!


We went out to dinner with our friends Janna and Rhonda the other night and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We went to a restaurant in Ocean Springs, which is about 30 minutes West of Pascagoula. Ocean Springs is to Pascagoula as Damariscotta is to Bremen-for all you Maine folk who have taken the time to read my little blog.:)
The restaurant, Edo's Japanese Restaurant and Sushi Bar, is run by a guy who was a chef for Bill Clinton! He moved here from New York and he was SO nice. Janna goes to Edo's often and is friendly with all the staff, so we got some really good service.:) The food was AWESOME, but the best part was sitting at the hibachi table and having Rocky, the chef, come out and entertain us while he cooked our food. I didn't order any hibachi-just sushi rolls (I LOVE SUSHI)- so I was immediately nicknamed "Sushi Girl" by Rocky. He was nice enough to give me the leftovers from everyone else's hibachi dishes (some fried rice, a shrimp, a scallop, and one piece of broccoli). Then came the SAKE.:) He had one of those squirt bottles that they use in a kitchen and it was full of Sake. The trick is that he squirts it in your mouth and counts seconds until you can't swallow anymore. Janna said she would do it immediately - apparently Janna is pretty good because she all ready has the nickname of "Sake Girl".:) AND she made it for 20 seconds!
Robert said that he would do it and Rhonda finally said that SHE would too, but I was too afraid to make a mess.:) SURPRISE! HA!
But, when Rocky wouldn't leave me alone and decided to throw shrimp at all of us I figured I couldn't say no again (thought it might be bad manners when sitting at the Hibachi), so I let him throw shrimp at me and I actually caught it in my mouth! This gave me enough courage to try the Saki trick and there you go...
I made it to 14 seconds-not great, but pretty good for someone who can't swallow with their mouth open.:) We finished off the night with some deep fried ice cream (On the house)...it was a great night.
It's good to be reminded that I have friends down here in the South because sometimes I feel so alone down here. I really love Rhonda and Janna and I am so glad that we have met them and are able to find time to hang out with them.:)
I'm not sure that I will go to Edo's again anytime soon, though: $167 is a little much for dinner...even if it IS for 4 people.:) Still, it was REALLY good and really fun.

Politics

Ok, despite growing up in New England-land of the Passionate Democrat, the Tree Hugger, the Environmentalists, etc-I have no real interest in Politics. I have many people around me who believe in them and base their lives on them: my mother and my aunt didn't speak for a year when my mom said that she was voting for George Bush! But, I just don't get it.
There are many aspects to politics that confuse me:
1) Half the time politicians are speaking a language that makes no sense to me. Sometimes it's because I just don't understand economics. Sometimes it's because their speech writers try to make them sound smarter than they are. Sometimes it's because they can't read what their speech writers write. Sometimes it's because the world doesn't make sense so why should the people who think that they are running it.
2) Most of the things that politicians say, especially presidential candidates, are nothing but words. To me, they are just false promises and silly words that have nothing to do with anything accept to show that they can speak and read off of a teleprompter. WHY should we believe anything that these people say? How can we base our vote on WORDS and words alone? How do we KNOW what they say IS true, will COME true, and will have the desired effect? How do we know who these people really are?
3) What do we really know about the senators and what they really do in Washington? All the information we have comes from the media and the media turns these things whatever way that they want to. Who's word do we believe?
So, who do I vote for? Does watching every debate, the summits, the conventions and all that crap really help a person to understand what they are voting for? I really don't think that it does. I really don't know what I want to do about voting. I would have voted for Hillary because I want a woman to be president and I know she's got at least one good person behind her because her speeches are usually good. I'm not sure what to do about Mcain and Obama. Usually I am a gut feeling kind of person and my gut tells me that Mcain is a jackass with fake "values". But I haven't gotten that from speeches and reports, I've gotten it from the look on his face, the images and photos. Still, Obama may be the family man, the health care guy, the New Black Man, the voice of the future, the Green Guy, and the Democrat, but he doesn't seem to be anything more than promises that have been made before. I would LOVE it if health insurance was cheaper and easier and I would love to vote for the guy who wasn't totally against abortion and IS totally for "Greening" the USA, but is THAT enough to base my vote on? Is it worth voting at all? Will he really bring those things forward?
I consider myself to be a liberal person. I do NOT consider myself a Democrat OR a Rebublican; although I generally lean toward the Democratic beliefs, but I do not stake my life on voting. Some people are shocked when I say that I don't vote unless it's for the presidency, but, really, I feel like my indecisiveness isn't worth anything. IF I understand, IF I feel strongly about it, IF I am 100% sure then, yes, I will vote for the smallest town law to be passed-or for the president. But, if I don't know, and there's no one there I feel the need to support, which is the lesser evil?

What is "Good For ME"?

I was brought up to love myself for who I am no matter what, but, somehow, whether it was from watching too much TV, reading too many books, or maybe seeing my mother go through what she went through while I was growing up, I have acquired this underlying theme in my life: HOW DO I LOOK. Everything I do is focused around losing weight, looking better, or, adversely, eating too much, not working out enough, etc. This used to be about my portions and my non-active lifestyle only. But, now, my brain seems to focus on the ideas of "good food"-"bad food", "All Natural", "Organic", and all the things that come with this new lifestyle that the United States has begun to create.
I so often find myself feeling guilty, like I'm not doing the best thing for my body, like I'm actually gaining inches as I eat, when I eat: red meat, snack foods (they're JUST Goldfish!), bread that doesn't come from the health food store, BAGELS, Cheese of any kind, Blue Bonnet butter spread, fruit from a can instead of straight from the fresh tables at the grocery store, salads with dressing and croutons instead of without...even Juice, just plain old juice! Where does the list end? How do I KNOW that it really isn't good for me? How do I know that something that is "All Natural" or "Organic" is REALLY that much better for me considering those titles are cropping up more and more at WAL MART these days? It's like the "whole grain" title-which means nothing unless you read your ingredients and find Bran listed as one of the first ingredients. And does it make it that much better for me if I go to the health food store to get it-because I'm still eating just as many carbs if I get rice chips instead of Ruffles, right? So, even if I ate 50% "organic" and read the labels instead of 30%, like I Do now, would I feel better about my body or would I just find other reasons to think I wasn't eating right? Would I just focus on the 50% that WASN'T organic?
OR would I start focusing on the fact that I don't workout every DAY as opposed to seeing that I work out 3 times a week, which is more than most people do. Because, no matter what I do, it never seems like enough. If I workout 3 times a week I feel like I'm a slacker because I had the opportunity to workout a 4th time, but didn't do it. I cooked 3 good dinners with greens and protein and I even avoided the bread in those 3 meals this week, but I feel bad because I didn't cook 7 great dinners. Or I didn't put enough meat in the meals for Robert's Southern taste, so that's bad too.
Why have I ended up this way? They say it all goes back to your childhood and what you learn subconsciously, but when did my mother tell me I was chubby? When did she tell me to eat less? When did she tell me anything but pure sugar was bad for me to eat? She NEVER told me anything I did was BAD or TOO MUCH...but, I think, by watching the way SHE treated HERSELF I created this idea that I am never enough, that I always need to try harder and harder for perfection-because that's what she did the whole time I was growing up. OR maybe I am just the way I am because that's how my genes were programmed.
So, how do I change this feeling and these thoughts that run through my head all day long? If I read that something is "bad" for me do I end up creating that bad feeling around that food every time I eat it? Maybe if I could think positively about everything I eat it would all have a much more positive effect on my body. I've been reading this book, "THE SECRET", which basically says "If you think it, it will happen". So, if I think I am 130 lbs and that everything I eat will positively effect my body then that is what will happen. If I continue to feel guilty about everything I eat that isn't green or fruit then I will continue to gain weight and feel no positive effects from all the stress I get from eating. Is the fact that I believe this idea changing how I am effected by food? I figure that it wouldn't hurt to be positive about everything anyway, but changing a mentality that I have used my entire life is SO hard. I tried this positive thinking and it worked for about a week-I really DID want to workout more and I really DID feel thinner, but the next week I was back to feeling and looking even more fat than I had felt before. So, how do I continue to feel positive? When is it enough? When can I accept myself for who I am and stop comparing myself to every skinny girl out there? When will I Realize that not everyone else is scrutinizing how I look when they see me like I do with them? How did I turn out to be this judgmental person? Why should I CARE what other people look like? IF I didn't care about how they look would I care about how I look as much?
So, every day I need to get up and feel thin instead of fat. I need to see my stomach flattening instead of sticking out. I need to workout and know that fat cells are being burned and muscles are being sculpted instead of muscles growing and pushing the fat even further out. I need to see the food that I eat nourishing my body as a whole instead of seeing that I had carbs for breakfast and CHIPS(!!!) with my salad for lunch. Right? I wish I could believe myself.

Blogging

I was never sure that blogging was anything more than someone trying to get attention for their thoughts, but, as time has passed and the internet has progressed I have realized that many people do not write their blogs for other people to read, but for the opportunity to share their own thoughts with themselves. I find more and more, especially living so far from people I usually share the "details" with, that I have thoughts that I don't get to express. These thoughts get lost and forgotten and I would like to think that I could recall them someday. They may not be "important" or brilliant, but they are my own, so I have decided to try to keep track of them here-for myself. Of course, if there are people who understand them or have their own thoughts about them I welcome the contact and feedback because positive, meaningful human interaction seems to be lacking in my life these days.
This is a test without a score...here it goes.