CHRISTMAS

I would like to mention, shortly, that Christmas was amazing and wonderful. I saw much of my family and friends here in Maine and I got everything my heart could desire and enjoyed giving everything I gave even more than the getting.:) But, the absolute joy of my Christmas holiday was the number of cards, photos, and letters that we received. I feel so loved and blessed and I love everyone so much that it makes my heart feel like it's going to burst. I HOPE that everyone I know and love knows that I think of them often and always love them and that, no matter how seldom we talk, or how far away we are, that we will always be together and I will never forget them! I have photos of so many of my nieces and nephews and Godchildren and other "nieces and nephews" on my fridge now that I don't quite now what to do except burst with pride. Isn't life wonderful?

Julie and Julia

I have fallen in love. This hasn't happened with me and a movie for a long time. There have been great movies, there have been movies that have touched me, been real to me, made me happy, made me sad, made me truly think about all the aspects of life, but, not since BEAUTIFUL GIRLS have I seen a movie that made me feel EVERYTHING I needed to feel and inspired me to do something that I never thought I would be able to do.

Now, I am not going to go and start my own cooking blog (although it DID cross my mind), but I have been given the idea that cooking can be a love, not a pressure or a disappointed. OR, more accurately, that cooking can be loved while still being a pressure and a disappointment.:) I don't know why it took a movie like this to make me see it considering how much both my husband and my mother love to cook, but it just did. And, still, I don't see myself coming home from a day of work and staying up until midnight waiting for a boeuf bourguignon to come out of the oven, but I may just find myself enjoying the idea of cooking a bit more when I think of the joy that both Julie an Julia got out of it.

The movie itself is amazing and real and lovely...seeing someone laying on the floor in the kitchen crying because they have dropped the chicken they are stuffing and it is splattered all over the floor...it made me feel like maybe I am not alone! Listening to Julie's husband talk about her meltdowns and her obsession and seeing the smile on her face when she served the wonderful dishes to her friends...it all made it real to me because, yes, I have had moments where I felt like sitting on the floor and crying because I just can't make it turn out right, and then, once it gets on the table, I have felt like the Queen of the Kitchen!
THE ACTORS:
Meryl Streep blew me away in this movie. Seriously, I'm not a fan of her's. I think she was on drugs for much of her career, but this movie and her portrayal of Julia Child were just so wonderful that I might have to give Meryl the benefit of the doubt.

Stanley Tucci played one of the best roles of his entire career in this movie: so quite, understated, yet entirely essential to the whole movie and the character of Julia. I have always loved this man-ever since he started doing Shakespeare, but I was so afraid he was going to get lost in the world of "deep" movies and now I have hope for him once again!

Jane Lynch was a surprise for me in this movie. For those who don't know-she is an amazing TV actress (who has done some movies) who has this incredibly dry, wry sense of humor that cuts like a knife. She plays Charlie Sheen's therapist on "Two and a half Men" and the cheerleading coach on "Glee" as well as many other funny parts. But here, in this movie as Dorothy (Julia's 6'5" tall sister), she comes alive and really really shows the ease and grace with which she can act. She fits so well next to Meryl Streep at the table that one would think she had been acting with that caliber of actors her entire career. I love her! She was so wonderful!

I think the question, really, is were all these people as wonderful as they were in the movie? Because, if they were, then the world is worth living in and there is definitely hope for the rest of us positive people to make a go of it.

And, I have come away from this with hope for more than cooking. I now feel like it might be possible to figure out and start and continue with the love of my life, the thing I truly want to do, without having to do it before I'm 30, without having to make a fuss, without having to be formally trained or published or doing it as a full time job. It IS possible to be who you want, do what you want, and still live and work in the every day. Maybe sometime I WILL write a book or maybe it will just be brilliant moments like these in my blog. Maybe someday I WILL be a certified Animal Doctor...or maybe I will run a non-profit kennel and know how to get grants for it. Who knows, but there ARE so many ways to find and do what you love without having to do it the way you are expected to, the way others think you should, or the way that is "conventional". And boy doesn't that just make me feel like it's all going to be okay!

On the bright side...

HAPPY HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I Love Christmas! Things are going well here...mom and Robert are on speaking terms, Luke came home for a visit, Deb likes her new job, Lindsey the younger came over for dinner last night, the Girls are awesome, PJ and I have been able to spend a little more time together, and I'm only slightly holiday stressed...this is good. Life is good.
Merry Merry and Happy Happy!

Thanksgiving

It has been five years since I Have been home for Thanksgiving. And here's the thing: up until I was 20 or so Thanksgiving, and all holidays, were a huge family affair with lots of food and love and very loud talking. I LOVED holidays with my family because mom was always the host and, even, when family wasn't getting along the Holiday was always the exception. 30 people in my house enjoying the talent of my mother's cooking and the love of family. It was awesome.
Unfortunately the family has gone its separate ways-partially, I think, because my mom has a big mouth and likes to be the center of attention and everyone got tired of it. There's much more to it: the family is bigger, there aren't as many kids, generations move on, etc, but MOM is a part of it.

And so came our Thanksgiving of 2009 which was enjoyed by myself, Robert, Mom, Buzz, Nam, Uncle Josh, and Uncle Adam. It was a nice little gathering, slightly reminiscent of the wonderous days of my childhood before I realized the dangers of my mother being in the same room as my aunts. Anyway, I spent the day helping my mother cook and get ready, which was awesome because I have rarely spent any time cooking with my mother and I did a really good job helping her! Dinner was great-gourmet, really, and the day got down to the minutes of PJs and drinks before bed...and, somehow, mom and Robert got into a fight about whether or not there should be Arts in a regular school day.

Now, here's the thing, Robert and I disagree about a lot of things, but I am not a pushy, outspoken person, so, when he gets on one of his rants I just smile and nod and know how I feel about it and that's enough. Mom, who is just as outspoken as Robert, if slightly less loud about it, wouldn't even think of backing down...so a quiet comment about our nephew Oliver making pies for Thanksgiving turned into a loud debate about whether or not kids should have art classes, which turned into an opinion match on who really understands what it's like to live down South and the type of people there and how they take advantage of the offerings made by the school systems (*I'm putting this nicely)...all this resulted in me leaving the room, going upstairs, and starting to pack my things because I knew what was coming next. The moment I left the room mom decided to pull out the big guns, starting with "Well, you lived down South and you and Lane are overweight..." which quickly snowballed into calling Robert an "uneducated, racist, bigot". Yeah. This is when we left.
I will give Robert credit for leaving before he said something horrible. Mom will give him no credit for leaving because she doesn't agree with his opinions and he POINTED HIS FINGER AT HER! Oh my. I knew this was coming because I know mom doesn't approve of me being married to Robert, she doesn't think he's good for me, and she feels like, eventually, I will marry someone else who will somehow help me develop my photography, writing, and have beautiful children with me. This is all despite the fact that I am happy with Robert, I don't want children, and my photography and writing are not the main focus in my life...I knew it all had to come out eventually, and the fact that it took almost 3 years is pretty impressive, I guess.
And so, on the way home, I realized that it is okay for me to be tired of all of this: tired of mom telling me I'm overweight, tired of her pushing my photography and writing EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS, tired of her disapproving of my life choices because she thinks I'm following her path! AND she called my husband horrible names! I WAS MAD!
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I waited a few days to let mom and Robert both cool off...in which time she called and left a message telling Robert to "let bygones be bygones and to have a smile on his face next time you see me." Sounded more like a threat than an apology. And I told her that yesterday. I also told her everything that I have been feeling for the last 10 years...and she listened and, after an hour, she finally said that she would think about it before she opened her mouth to give me "advice" or tell me the "truth" or to "say what needs to be said". And she said she would apologize to Robert. I just hope she can hold back any "advice" that she might want to give him so we can have her birthday dinner and Christmas together before Robert leaves for months.
The best part about our conversation, for me, was when I said, "I may make similar choices to those you made in YOUR life, but they're not the SAME choices. I will learn from them, they will make me happy (or sometimes sad), I will grow from them, but they are MY choices, not yours and my life is not the life that you have lived. I am not YOU, mom, no matter how much you think I am like you."
I hope it all works out. I know we can all move on, but the things she said to Robert were very hurtful and it's hard to forget that...no matter how much one lives in the moment.