We have been in Maine for 6 months now and I have finally cycled back to the dilemma that I always felt hanging over me in MS...I miss my family. THIS time it's my SOUTHERN Family instead of my Northern Family, though. How do I make this work? Here in Maine I am closer to the people I have known and loved the longest and more of them, I think, but I still feel this little bit of a rip-a disconnection between me and those that we left behind in the South and it hurts.
Am I just overly sensitive to these feelings or am I just really bad at handling them? I want to spend hours making sure that my nieces and nephews remember me, but I don't really know what to say. It's so different having to talk on the phone or through e-mail instead of in person. It's just not that same. I miss Janet and Perry and Dad and Lisa and Middle Earth and Laura and Lily and Natalie and Jan...there's so much and just so little time. I Feel like if I come to grips with this and accept it then I am not trying hard enough, but if I don't accept it then I am stuck and in emotional limbo.
I really do think I'm one of those hyper sensitive people and this is why it is hurting me so much, but I just wish that there were a way to relieve some of the disconnection.
Was it the right choice to move away from the South because there are more people I missed here? Or were there more people down South who needed me? How do I know I'm making the right choices?
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I was gone from Alabama for 12 years. Every time I left my family after a visit at home, I cried. Every time I thought about moving back home, I cried at the thought of leaving my friend. Bottom line: you can't have both. Enjoy your "here and now," visit the ones you're apart from, and reevaluate occasionally just to make sure you're still where you need to be. But you love a lot of people, and a lot of people love you, and that's both a blessing and a curse.
Don't worry though; Sarah and Abby still know you and love you, and we WILL come visit you.
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