What is "Good For ME"?

I was brought up to love myself for who I am no matter what, but, somehow, whether it was from watching too much TV, reading too many books, or maybe seeing my mother go through what she went through while I was growing up, I have acquired this underlying theme in my life: HOW DO I LOOK. Everything I do is focused around losing weight, looking better, or, adversely, eating too much, not working out enough, etc. This used to be about my portions and my non-active lifestyle only. But, now, my brain seems to focus on the ideas of "good food"-"bad food", "All Natural", "Organic", and all the things that come with this new lifestyle that the United States has begun to create.
I so often find myself feeling guilty, like I'm not doing the best thing for my body, like I'm actually gaining inches as I eat, when I eat: red meat, snack foods (they're JUST Goldfish!), bread that doesn't come from the health food store, BAGELS, Cheese of any kind, Blue Bonnet butter spread, fruit from a can instead of straight from the fresh tables at the grocery store, salads with dressing and croutons instead of without...even Juice, just plain old juice! Where does the list end? How do I KNOW that it really isn't good for me? How do I know that something that is "All Natural" or "Organic" is REALLY that much better for me considering those titles are cropping up more and more at WAL MART these days? It's like the "whole grain" title-which means nothing unless you read your ingredients and find Bran listed as one of the first ingredients. And does it make it that much better for me if I go to the health food store to get it-because I'm still eating just as many carbs if I get rice chips instead of Ruffles, right? So, even if I ate 50% "organic" and read the labels instead of 30%, like I Do now, would I feel better about my body or would I just find other reasons to think I wasn't eating right? Would I just focus on the 50% that WASN'T organic?
OR would I start focusing on the fact that I don't workout every DAY as opposed to seeing that I work out 3 times a week, which is more than most people do. Because, no matter what I do, it never seems like enough. If I workout 3 times a week I feel like I'm a slacker because I had the opportunity to workout a 4th time, but didn't do it. I cooked 3 good dinners with greens and protein and I even avoided the bread in those 3 meals this week, but I feel bad because I didn't cook 7 great dinners. Or I didn't put enough meat in the meals for Robert's Southern taste, so that's bad too.
Why have I ended up this way? They say it all goes back to your childhood and what you learn subconsciously, but when did my mother tell me I was chubby? When did she tell me to eat less? When did she tell me anything but pure sugar was bad for me to eat? She NEVER told me anything I did was BAD or TOO MUCH...but, I think, by watching the way SHE treated HERSELF I created this idea that I am never enough, that I always need to try harder and harder for perfection-because that's what she did the whole time I was growing up. OR maybe I am just the way I am because that's how my genes were programmed.
So, how do I change this feeling and these thoughts that run through my head all day long? If I read that something is "bad" for me do I end up creating that bad feeling around that food every time I eat it? Maybe if I could think positively about everything I eat it would all have a much more positive effect on my body. I've been reading this book, "THE SECRET", which basically says "If you think it, it will happen". So, if I think I am 130 lbs and that everything I eat will positively effect my body then that is what will happen. If I continue to feel guilty about everything I eat that isn't green or fruit then I will continue to gain weight and feel no positive effects from all the stress I get from eating. Is the fact that I believe this idea changing how I am effected by food? I figure that it wouldn't hurt to be positive about everything anyway, but changing a mentality that I have used my entire life is SO hard. I tried this positive thinking and it worked for about a week-I really DID want to workout more and I really DID feel thinner, but the next week I was back to feeling and looking even more fat than I had felt before. So, how do I continue to feel positive? When is it enough? When can I accept myself for who I am and stop comparing myself to every skinny girl out there? When will I Realize that not everyone else is scrutinizing how I look when they see me like I do with them? How did I turn out to be this judgmental person? Why should I CARE what other people look like? IF I didn't care about how they look would I care about how I look as much?
So, every day I need to get up and feel thin instead of fat. I need to see my stomach flattening instead of sticking out. I need to workout and know that fat cells are being burned and muscles are being sculpted instead of muscles growing and pushing the fat even further out. I need to see the food that I eat nourishing my body as a whole instead of seeing that I had carbs for breakfast and CHIPS(!!!) with my salad for lunch. Right? I wish I could believe myself.